The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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