Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
