well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
