I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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