shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
