trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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