dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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