He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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