I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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