What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We need to get me chipped asap
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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