i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
