That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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