I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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