i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
