I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
