She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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