whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
