Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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