I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
