I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
