when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
