I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
