It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
