I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Randomize
