Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am available for nakedness
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
