Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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