The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
