What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
