Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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