Cold hands, warm shart.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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