Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
