my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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