Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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