So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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