Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
