Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
