sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
