I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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