Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
