why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
