please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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