i permit you to call me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
