Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
