Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
