i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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