I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
