I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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