i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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