did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
