We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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