I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
