Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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