Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
