Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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