i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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