I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i've created a new STD.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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