My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
