First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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