I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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