well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize