Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
