i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
