That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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