I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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