What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
