Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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