I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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