Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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