So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
