I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
