someone threw a dead crab at me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
