there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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