I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
