I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
