you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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