you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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