Do you still have your period?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
