listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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