I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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