The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think my moral compass just broke
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
