I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
