Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
