I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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