I accidentally burped into my bong.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize