Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
