so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize