Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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