I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
