She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
