I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
