The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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