but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
