I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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