bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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