Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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