I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
