I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
