hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
