So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
