Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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