I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
