i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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