Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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