During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need a burrito and a hug.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
