I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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