Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
