your parents love me but you hate me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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