meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's always time for handjobs
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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